catching up from LJ after 12th Night
2007-01-17 - 2:58 p.m.

[Jan. 17th, 2007|10:30 am]
Work, work, work, work... on it goes. More paper, more paper, more paper. A ceaseless flow of words, a never ending discussion of the same topics over and over... yes, I've heard that before... yes, I realize your company's position is that you own everything... yes, I know it's all GOT to be kept a huge secret... problem is... well, we're an academic institution and can't do that. over and over it goes.... new attorneys ... specialized field... no, I'm not an attorney... sometimes it feels like I play one on TV. I certainly train them on a regular basis. Guess that's what paralegals do. Ah well.

It was good to see the Buckston crew last night. On the Border was tasty if a bit slow in service. Challenge was to find non-bell pepper food. Met the challenge. Not paying for it today. Go me. :-)

Weight lifting tonight. Feels like forever ago this was regular. Holidays have messed up the flow. I WILL be back on track and get to the gym. Hey, I haven't any Saturday plans yet, so.... Gym Time. Sweet! That and MUCH house time. Boy, does my home need my attention. Whew! And ... laundry NEEDS to happen before then. I also foresee a planning session of all the stuff I need to get done and how to accomplish it in the coming weeks and months.

Sewing time MUST be planned out. Garb needs to happen. Taking in my viking needs to happen first, I'm thinking. Ymir isn't so far away. I love that wool I used to make it. The outer coat material reminds me of C & P; the tunic material was a wonderful gift from a non-scadian friend and the apron makes me think if Hrothny and her push to get me more correct looking. Then I need to think about March's events. Garb. Need to make some garb. ;-)

Need to plan out a bunch of meals, too. Higher fiber, lower fat, lower on the food chain works better for me. I feel better when I eat more veggies. AND... I've got another 40 lbs that need to find a different place to live... not on my body. No, folks, I will NOT in fact look anorexic below 130. Been there a long time ago. No bones poke out of my skin. My body's just really good at packing on excess weight so I can carry it around with me. I really do NOT need to be so famine ready. I am hoping, however, that this next weigh in on Saturday will FINALLY see me at a BMI that modern science does NOT consider obese. (If not this week then next week... soon and from there on forward.) Oh, and I am NOT a weakling at a normal weight. Far from it. And I'm working on being stronger as I go. This is not easy, but a concerted effort, making the choice to do this and anyone... ANYONE... can do this if you just put your mind to it and choose it, make it a top priority, put it before other things. If I, who loves food (especially carbs) and would rather spend days lolling on the couch making lace or any number of other sedentary hobbies I've acquired over the years, can change my priorities to get myself moving and limit my bread intake (notice, I'm not giving up ANYTHING), it is possible. I used to think it wasn't for me, but... when you really want it... it is possible. The continuing to want it as I get to feeling better... it gets harder and harder.

OK, wasn't planning on ranting today. Oops. :-) Anyway, self pep-talk over. Back to the

work, work, work, work.... :-)!
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[Jan. 16th, 2007|02:05 pm]
Back from a long weekend away from work. 12th Night was lovely fun. Loved seeing all the beautiful people my friends are. Interesting reactions to my cut down garb ranging from... have you lost weight? to ... who's that skinny Laurel? to ... you think of such interesting unexpected things in garb? The best reactions were, however, the very kindest friends who just said I looked great and one very special that I looked lovely ... mostly I think they were looking at the huge smile on my face because I felt good and I was really glad to see wonderful people. By the end of the day the constriction of the dress made me just long to be done with it, get into jeans and hang out.. which I got to do. The bardic in Forgal's room was much fun. Lots of singing, banter, smiling faces. Truly a fair amount of alcohol as well. Elspeth/Flamingbolt crew came by with glow sticks that were a fun adornment, and also reminded Charlotte and I of our walks around Pennsic this past August. Good smiling moments.

OK, so I'm totally out of order... and shall remain so... :-)

I enjoyed seeing round 2 of the bardic competition sitting with Charlotte and Denman. Nice to hear one of Neal Dolphin's tunes belted out well. Dunston's Loki stone carving was awesome. It was good to see Charlotte's shield out on display again... I'm hoping she gets it finished and remembers to bring the documentation by the next time. 12th Night presents were much fun.... and Nikulai, Malcom and Jean Franc all gifted me with wonderful libations made by their hands. Thank you, thank you. There were chocolates and spiced nuts, beads, scissors, games, Scottie ornaments, spice mixes... a myriad of lovely things that made it into my basket, but the most wonderful thing of all was that so many people thought of me. I hadn't managed to make my usual lacy type tokens, but did find some strung pearls to hand about. A highlight was having the beautiful Queen of Trimaris have them wound in her hair for evening court. Yes, the small thrills still happen for me and it was kind of her to gift me with this one. Another highlight was for Charlotte to have made me a gift including some of the pearls I'd given her. She called it a re-gifting... but really... the gift of creativity and time was not re-anything. Thank you.

I also wound up with one of the bunch of roses pin Kymber was selling to raise funds for the new crowns for Atlantia... thank you, Dan. Jewelry, chocolate, libation.... yum, but really... my heart being touched was the biggest gift of all. 12th Night is like that. I hear many folks say there wasn't enough to do... I'm not sure I "did" much, but the time flew by. Oh, sitting with squires while they figured out the word puzzle was amusing. Having a conversation with BdeB after a long time of not really seeing either him or his lovely lady was nice. It was nice to see Sir Edwyn, long absent, back at an event. Drea looked fabulous and amused me by thinking I'd get lipstick on her white veil. Really, love, I know better. ;-) You are so cute!

I had several quick conversations through out the day with Jessamyn and Susana that were generally hilarious and spirit lifting... amazing what 2 such pillars of the society can get up to or chat about. :-) Aren't both of Susana's daughters the most lovely women ever? I never fail to enjoy seeing both of them.

I did get to see both Sine and Kisaya in their vigils... both well deserved, both lovely, both vigils well done. wow. And I got in to see them both. I am truly lucky. Loved Alejandro's work on the janissary outfits he and Achbar wore. Great picture moment (sadly no camera with me) when they were guarding Kisaya.

Didn't Ceridwen look awesome? I love the short hair. Yes, I'd seen it before, but really it looks great. She looks so happy, it just has to lift one's heart.

Wasn't Lucas's new garb lovely... almost as good as the smile on his face when I finally got to see him and ... well, I tend to gush... so I may have embarassed him, but he handled it well.

There were many folks I only got to really see on the fly by... Simone leaps to mind. You know... when I begin to regret that there wasn't enough time with one person or the next... I remember that, 1) time is limited and I am blessed with many friends, 2) I did actually get to see them as opposed to not at all, 3) there will be time in the future and I can look forward to it with joy.

Feast was good, but I'd had so much to eat throughout the day, I really only got to eat and enjoy the chicken, before I was just eating to taste and it wasn't really me needing food. I didn't even taste dessert. heh.

Did I mention there were a lot of peerages announced, done and otherwise moved forward. Wow. Most tearful/heartfelt moment ... hard to say... was it Juliana bursting into tears when she figured out they meant to make her a Laurel or Valhalric's mom who just could not help herself during his elevation. I wouldn't even care to wager.

So, there was more at 12th Night. Most of it good. Some wasn't, but why remember that part. Let those lapse into nothing and hold on to the joy as, no doubt, that will serve me better in future... the memory of joy pulling me through less joyous times. We all have them, but our ability to bounce back, resiliency, that's what makes the difference. A store of joyous memories... helps. 12th Night gave me some more.

Thank you, Scott, for keeping Emerson. I know he had fun as he was wiped out when I picked him up. I'm sorry he was a bit of trouble in wanting to always be with people and that he'd already chewed through the kennel. I so appreciate your keeping him. The Laurel amber earrings are wonderful. Yes, I loved the one's I lost at Midsummers. It is joyous to have some to replace those.

Yes, the weekend was caloric overdrive. No, I didn't get enough exercise. Yes, I missed lifting last night :-( NO, I'm not missing it on Wednesday... I'll be there. And I'll be back on Core. Must not quit. Focus. I can do this. Can't help my wanting it to go faster, but patience was never one of my virtues.
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[Jan. 12th, 2007|12:53 pm]
Busy, busy, busy. Work busy. Life busy. Mind packing for 12th Night. Frenzy approaching....

And then I was reminded to take a breath. A deep one. Sit back for 90 seconds. Relax.

A co-worker's phrase of "one paper at a time" surfaced in my mind.

Breathe.

Better.

Thank you.

Hope y'all all have a great weekend.
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[Jan. 11th, 2007|01:39 pm]
Dress update. The Italian Ren in transformation. I got the bodice taken in and the skirt reattached last night. Lacing holes... 36 of them... tonight. Must remember to pack the feast gear, too.

But first...

Must get through the work day. Much hanging over my head... needing to get done. Sadly, wishing it done, won't work. ;-)
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[Jan. 11th, 2007|10:10 am]
Amy and to whomever else wants to go to an awesome dentist... I truly love mine and ... that's after being so put off by them (should I say scared?) that I didn't go for over 10 years.

Christopher J. Bouldin, D.D.S.
1920 Executive Park, Hwy 54
Durham, NC 27713
(919) 544-3723

www.bouldindds.com

If you go, please let them know I sent you.
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[Jan. 10th, 2007|10:20 am]
Tous les changements, m�me les plus souhait�s, ont leur m�lancolie.
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy.
--Anatole France

This quote came with my French word of the day and after writing yesterday about the reactions I'm having to success in weight loss, I wanted to post it here. Seemed appropriate.

I had a grand time last night being not really at the Buckston meeting, but rather in the ladies bathroom having garb pinned in by the most beautiful Laura's ever. Yep, I got 2 of them helping me. Lucky girl, I am. Charlotte kept us company and various others came and went during the almost hour it took to pin in my Italian Ren, try on 2 other garb pieces and then get laced into the most surprising dress/sideless garment ever.... Why was it the most surprising... well, it's a nice dress but more than that I looked pretty good in it and ... well it's Laura's (she's thin, taller and stunning, folks) and it was all I could do not to bust out crying that I could even think of wearing it. Sometimes the most amazing gifts are those the giver isn't really intending to give. Laura was thinking just about loaning me something to wear so I'd feel better and the eye opening she gave me was .... heart stopping and way beyond that. Thank you, beautiful one.

I was so excited I just had to show my weight lifting partner how much progress he's helped me make, and when I walked into the meeting which was in progress, they stopped talking. I was truly stunned and a bit embarrassed at having been rude and interrupting, (hadn't occurred to me that I'd be disruptive... probably should have.. I usually am ... but in this case I was just excited) but grateful to everyone for the attention. Helps keep me on this path. Really. God, it's such a blessing to have friends.

Anyway, I also got to see Cuan and Mary who had come to fight before the meeting and a large gang went to China Buffet for dinner. Fun. No rice for me... lots of veggies, but it did involve a bunch of sauces and the dumplings and sesame balls did scream my name. Oh well. I still don't think I did too badly, actually... for a buffet. Buffet's are difficult and I usually avoid them.

So tonight... I'm sewing like a maniac... taking in the Italian Ren. Need to get most of it done so I can pack the car for 12th Night tomorrow night. Hope this turns out well.
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[Jan. 9th, 2007|12:51 pm]
OK, so I feel a bit like a ninny. Well, more than a bit. Losing weight is the goal. I really, really, really want this. But last night... I hit panic. Not from trying on modern clothing... not from needing smaller sized jeans... not from piling all my oversized-now work clothes on my guest bed... those were all cool... no, it was garb. I tried on garb for 12th Night last night .... and I can pinch 8-10 inches fabric at the waist of my Italian Ren and I look like I'm wearing a colorful bag. I called Laura first... and she very generously said she'd come help me pin in the garb tonight at the Buckston meeting, so I can take it in a bunch... it may look not perfect, but I REALLY don't want to look like a bag woman. Whew. But then.... that wasn't all of the panic. I hung up, started to feel odd and called Dan, who very generously listened to the irrationality that was me last night and managed to get me to laugh. Thank you. I really needed to laugh and let go of that clenched panic.

I don't think anyone who's never been obese will every quite get the psychological impact of this barrier of ... wait, people react differently to me... I feel very different... I seem to be succeeding in this process of unpadding... will I be able to handle this new me without the physical barrier I've created around myself... and I'm not even near what the health industry considers a normal BMI... it's what I want but then succeeding at this goal and overcoming the addiction to emotional over-eating is... scary ... yes, yes, at the same time that it's thrilling... it's an emotional smorgasbord. It's good, it's scary, it's panic-worthy, it's joy, it's a pendulum swinging back and forth. It is so easy to slide back into old, bad, unhealthy choices and habits. I WILL overcome this. I WIll continue on my path towards being under 130. I WILL conquer this hurdle/mountain/obstacle of fear and panic... and my friends will be helping me.... and I cannot describe how much I truly appreciate that. Every time I get support and a helping hand... well, it touches my heart in ways I may never truly be able to repay.

Thank you.

I got up and did my exercise DVD this morning... kickboxing is something I'm really enjoying, so if anyone has any suggestions on other videos/DVD's on this, please let me know... took my Allegra and headed for my allergy shots... ew... then weighed in.

I'm down 4 lbs this week. Yay! Big huge smile. Also felt echo's of last night's panic. Sigh. But only an echo. That's a good step. And it seems a bit silly that this is such a big thing in my head when so many other people are facing more serious situations. But I was reminded that emotions, if I'm feeling them, are valid and that I should not just discount them because they seem silly or less serious that someone else's issue. I am facing them and I will deal with this, because... I really want to blow through this obstacle and reach my goal. Really want that.

Tomorrow, Manus is having his shoulder that he injured in a bike accident early in the fall surgically fixed. He'll be out of work for a week. General anesthesia, outpatient, his parents are coming up to be with him, and I'll worry. Emerson will stay with him over the weekend. Thank you for keeping my baby. Please keep Manus in your thoughts tomorrow afternoon. Power in that. Everything should go just fine, but ... well, it all helps.

I have friends who are quiting smoking. I imagine this is at least as difficult as overcoming obesity... the everyday cravings, the pull to just give into something that feels good in the moment, but whose effects are many, long lasting and not good ones. I'm proud of you. I know every day is a hurdle. I know every time past a store without buying tobacco is a triumph. You can do this.

And I have a friend facing the dentist after a long absence. I totally identify with this as I went over 10 years not seeing one. Going back was painful, emotionally difficult and a financial strain. Thank goodness Nikulai referred me to his dentist who is so gentle, considerate and able to deal with the backlash of fear caused by the dark side of his profession... those dentists who believe in the just-suck-it-up approach. To those idiots in the dental world who cause the dreadful reaction in so many people... I wish only that what you inflict on the world, revisits you... ten-fold. May they not survive it. :-) Guess I feel strongly on this one. :-)

Anyway, the point in listing things I see as more critical than my reaction of last night when NOTHING was truly wrong... I was and am still on the path I've set for myself... is that I will draw strength from examples of people facing their challenges, give support back and gain strength from my friends as we all meet our challenges head on.

We can all succeed. A stumble is not a failure. Resilience is key. Getting back up and going forward again is key. Never give up. Growl at it if you have to. A good Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr helps. At least in my world. :-)
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[Jan. 8th, 2007|11:26 am]
Rainy Monday. Drowsy. Soft. Good weekend. Got the Christmas tree down and out of the house. Emerson got a bath and his new, bright red collar put on. Charlotte came over for dinner on Friday night and helped with the tree. Girl talk. Laundry got done. Brigitta came Saturday morning and so my house is much cleaner. Scott did the winter black spot spray of stuff and trimming of the roses, so they're set for our non-winter.

Low point - I pulled a tick off of Emerson, so have put him back on his Advantix during the "cold" months. Grrrr. I HATE ticks. They're horrid. Poor puppy. :-( AND he was having a bath at the time. Insult to his injury.

I went two-stepping Saturday night... and can honestly say I'll need lessons before I get that dance. The rhythm is ... not immediately apparent to me, but I like the music for the most part. Interesting crowd... new for me... I don't really fit in, but that's fine... it's dancing, and I love most dancing. Sunday was a sleepy, couch/movie kinda day once I got up... and that was late. Very relaxing.

Well, bunches to do this week. Work's it's usual business. Getting ready to go to 12th Night in Charlotte. No new garb for me this year. Oh well. So many fun things to do. Hard to be motivated to sew if I'm still losing weight and whatever it is won't fit soon ... and I AM still losing the weight. Lifting tonight. Spinach salad for lunch with Salmon on top. Yum. Love fish. Must remember to get dairy in this afternoon. Wasn't in a milk mood this morning.
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[Jan. 5th, 2007|04:08 pm]
Banana pudding, banana pudding... stuck in my head... again

Rainy. Sleepy.

Not enough sleep last night. Worth it to talk to a friend, however. Turns out contra isn't tonight, but has changed to Saturday nights for the first weekend of the month. I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to dancing tonight. I'll figure out some other exercise instead.

I had a nice lunch with Ysolt, Alejandro, Galeron and Rhieinwylydd at Francesca's on Ewrin today. Good company. Nice people. I was a little subdued... the tired showed. :-( I had a nice chat with Ysolt afterward that was really heart healing. So very blessed to have her as my friend.

Haven't done this enough lately:

1) I am thankful for having Ysolt in my life.
2) I am thankful I experience the rush of exercise and am following through on keeping it a constant in my life.
3) I am thankful I got to speak with my sister this morning before she had to fly back to Germany.

I doubt #2 would have taken hold so well if I hadn't had Alejandro's encouragement. Thank you.

I am working to focus on what I do have rather than what I lack for #3. I really wish Helen was able to and wanted to live in the States, to be more a part of my life. As many differences as we have and as much as we can disagree and choose different ways to handle stuff... I love my sister very much and miss having her more in my life.

My mind is leaping about this afternoon... so I'm going with the flow a bit... sometimes I spend some time focusing on what motivates me... lacking motivation at work, I think my mind is just repeat looping back to this topic. What motivates me to do stuff? Positives: a challenge, something new to try, endorphins, curiosity, positive feedback, success, enthusiasm by other people. Then again sometimes the negatives get me to do stuff: overwhemed, offended, lonely, very hungry, fear, anger, hurt. Thinking about it.. when the motivation is positive, the results are generally good.... when I let the negatives push me to do something... well, not so good. Not earth shattering news... more along the lines of ... well, duh! If only I could remember this in the moment and then use that information in a positive way. I could work on that... yes, I could.

My weather bug thing is telling me it's 70 degrees outside. In Durham. In January. And global warming is a myth. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Banana pudding, banana pudding...
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SCA questions from attack_laurel [Jan. 4th, 2007|12:42 pm]
1. What is your SCA name? Francesca la Curiosa

2. What is your home kingdom? - Atlantia

3. Have you ever lived in another kingdom? Not since joining the SCA

4. Do you remember your first SCA event? When/what was it? � Stephen and Twila�s 12th Night 1993 in Sanford� Yes, I remember it� and getting lost in garb when I wasn�t sure what the SCA was, because I�d never even gone to a meeting and being told to avoid the royals because the group of folks I was with didn�t know to do around them

5. Do you have any awards? Yes.

6. Do you list them after your name in communications like e-mail? Rarely.

7. Do you have a device? � Yes.

8. Do you use it? On what? Yes, on banners, scrolls, calling cards for events

9. Are you on all the kingdom/society lists available to you, or do you avoid them? � I�m on a bunch of them, but not ALL of them.

10. Do you keep your Pennsic/Estrella/Gulf Wars/etc. site tokens? Mostly.

11. Do you keep the favors you've been given by royalty/friends/SOs, etc.? Mostly.

12. Do you call your friends by their SCA names even when you're not at an event? � Some yes, some no.

13. Do you go out to dinner in garb after an event? Mostly not.

14. Do you have all kinds of garb, or do you generally stick to one period? Bunch of different stuff.

15. How many interests do you have within the SCA? Countless. What's your favorite? � Bobbin lace. (shocking!)

16. Do you have an SCA-oriented web site (to show off projects, keep dress diaries, etc.)? No.

17. Do you maintain a hairstyle that is more period style than modern? No. How about any other part of your appearance? No.

18. Do you tell "No $###, there I was" stories? (Admit it) Occasionally

19. Authenticity is Fun. Yes or no? Sometimes. Why? Because it�s interesting to know what is correct and sometimes to fulfill that image� and sometimes to not.

20. Is there one modern thing at events that really bugs you? Sometimes if there�s one thing that just glares out at a really nice field� then yes, but mostly� I accept a learning curve and the reason I am in the SCA is folks were tolerant when I started.

Bonus Question! 21. Everyone has a shameful garb/accessory mistake hidden somewhere in their past. What's yours? Hmmmmm, no nothing that makes me feel shame� humorous� well, of course. Loads of them. I continue to make mistakes and to learn from them� and when I don�t notice them� well, there are loads of folks who enjoy pointing them out to me.
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[Jan. 4th, 2007|12:14 pm]
OK, so I didn't get to my exercise video this morning. :-( It was hard to get myself out of bed (didn't sleep well) and then I noticed the house really needed my attention. I vacuumed; I washed dishes, cleaned counters, swept floors, picked up stuff that I'd just carried out of my car from the holiday trip, did laundry, sorted bills, took out trash, piled up recycling (that goes to the curb tonight) ... house stuff. Emerson seemed to sulk through it all, poor pup. He LOATHES all vacuum cleaners and me bustling about makes him nervous about me leaving. Sigh. I also treated myself to a bath rather than a shower... the soak was good for calming me down. The exercise would have done a better job... but really... the house was screaming at me :-) and I've a friend coming to dinner tonight. It isn't tip-top, but it's better than it was. To be tip top... would mean a LOT more time to include a good, big purge of stuff. I need to divest of stuff. Badly. :-) I don't, however, seem to set that as a priority... even when there is time. I'm just not good at it. And honestly.... if it's a choice between housework and time with friends... I'll pick friends and rush the housework.

Scott came over last night, but ... well, he was married to me, knows my mess, and frankly... the house on Castalia Drive has seen way worse than my house in Durham has ever been. A happy me = lower levels of mess tolerance, meaning I notice it and clean it up before it gets really horrendous. Heh. It's all in what one considers "horrendous" or "tolerable". Being allergic to dust mites also keeps me more on the straight and narrow.

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